Saturday, April 18, 2015

Goodbye, Size 4

We've had a good run. G'bye!
Today I'm taking a bag of clothes to the thrift store.   After six months of trying to maintain a girlish figure, I'm giving up.

"Goodbye, Size 4!"

But I've Always Been Small! 

I'm short--just under five feet tall (apx 152 cm).  I was raised by a single mother, and I was the oldest of her three girls.

In the 1970s, my sisters and I shopped at the 5-7-9 store, and we wore small sizes.  Our mother is also small.

I defined my femininity by being petite. I haven't been much for jewelry or make up or manicures. But I was big on weighing as little as possible.

After having children and moving into midlife, I've seen my ideal weight creep up from 102 to 107 to 112.

From what I've read, people don't need to gain weight when they hit midlife. They can exercise, eat right and do a little strength training (weight lifting).


Trying Everything to Slim Down

I did pretty well until the fall before I turned 53.  That October, my weight went up to 116.  I am afraid that I'm going to look like a potato--where my waist would exceed the circumference of my bust and hips.

I vowed to get back to 112 and measurements of 36, 28, 36.

The scale is the devil. 
Since October 2014, I have been cutting waaaaaay back on refined carbohydrates in addition to going to the gym 5 times a week and walking 45 minutes on weekdays.

Still, my weight isn't budging.

Another complication is the fact that I am hypoglycemic. I have to eat every 3 hours or so. Otherwise, I get headaches, I have vertigo, I grow weak, I get grouchy, I start to shake, and I even start losing my vision.

I've all but given up bread, pasta, crackers, cookies, potatoes, corn, cake, cookies, pie, brownies, muffins, etc.

I only have one small serving of a refined carbs food a day: i.e., one piece of bread, one serving of crackers, one cookie.

I eat more protein (from an array of sources), and I eat more fresh produce.

I've kept a food journal. I've hired a personal trainer. I've started drinking a lot more water.  I've had my blood tested for thyroid problems.  I was retested for blood sugar problems. (My glucose levels drop between 3 and 4 hours after eating.)

After all this attention, now my weight fluctuates between 116 and 119 since turning 53 in January of 2015.  (Taller women think I'm nuts. Remember, I'm fewer than 60 inches tall with a medium frame.) When I married at age 34, I weighed 102 pounds.

Illusion of Control over Aging

I think part of my issue with my weight is really an issue with aging.  True, I cannot stop Father Time from changing my physical body. However, I thought that I could maintain some level of control over my waistline.  The more I fear the aging process, the more I obsess over diet and exercise.

I've noticed that even the fitness instructors at my gym who are in their 60s and 70s have clear signs of aging. And they spend triple the time on exercising than I do.  It's time to concede that no amount of gym time is going to let me keep the figure of a woman in her 20s or 30s.

Focusing on Behavior Not Results

After bagging up my size 4 clothes in March, I even tried one last assault on my expanding waistline: I tried to go four hours without eating, and I tried to cut my daily caloric intake in half.

But I was at the point where I was going to faint. Dang it.

Ready for a new life at the thrift store.
So I finally decided that I need to quit obsessing over fitting into my most tailored clothes.

I'm going to lose my mind focusing on results.

I'm driving my friends, my family and myself insane.

I need to focus on behaviors instead of results.

After I publish this post, I'm taking this bag of clothes to the thrift store.

"Goodbye, Size 4!"

Related:

Daily or Weekly Weigh Ins?
Aging: Fight, Resign or Embrace?
Aging Disgracefully



36 comments:

  1. Amen, Karen! I am also 53, and am astonished at the recent increase in tummy size. While I'm nearly 5'5" and about 120, I always secretly scoffed at my petite mom (age 80, and about your size) saying that she's gaining weight. NOW I understand.

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    1. This is payback for my thinking midlife women just need to try harder. I am reminded of when I was childless and vowed to NEVER let my kids (if and when I had them) eat in the van. HA. We could live for three days on what's tossed around in my van.

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  2. I feel your pain. I have finally come to terms with the fact that my size will never be what I would like it to be. My focus now is on being healthy. Yeah, my doctor gave me a good talking to and told me to focus on health. I am healthy so I should be happy. It's hard to change your focus like that, but it is healthier in the end.

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    1. Yup. I need to focus on healthy choices and quit scrutinizing my appearance. You go, girl!

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  3. Karen, I'm older than you by 7 yrs, and trust me, I have fought the weight issues, also. I counted my calories and allowed myself 1400 per day, ate well-balanced meals sans refined carbs, worked out with cardio and weight training and nothing happened...except my frustration skyrocketed. While discussing this with my chiropractor, he encouraged me to research iodine supplementation (not with the liquid brown stuff, but with supplements made from a variety of plants from the sea). He suggested a company called Standard Process and if you check them out, you'll be impressed. They've been around a long time, and my doc has actually visited their headquarters in Wisconsin for his own peace of mind. I ordered Iodomere, online, from Amazon. I only take two tablets every morning and the change has been very gradual, but in the past three months, I've dropped 5 lbs. Plus, I feel better. I will definitely continue to have my bloodwork checked every 6 mos, per my general practitioner, to make sure my thyroid is fine. Bottom line, tho, I believe many of our sources for natural iodine have diminished in this modern age, and we need to consider supplementation. That's my 2 cents worth--best wishes to you on your journey to health!

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    1. I've had my thyroid checked twice since midlife (and even viewed with a sonogram), and I'm OK so far. But I'm glad that you found something that works for you. Hooray!

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  4. I did this last month and it was very liberating! Sad, but liberating :-)

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  5. I hate the idea of losing the control! But I hate the idea of starving more!

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    1. Oh, I vowed in front of a half dozen friends that I would work off 5 pounds between Halloween and New Year's. I denied myself and worked out a ton. Nada. I've been eating a bit of crow as a follow up to those earnest vows.

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  6. I'm way older than you, Karen.....but have walked in your shoes many times. Forget about weight and size, keep up your great diet and exercise regime and do something fun everyday! (Even a trip to toss a bag feels good!) As for my middle....daily.planks do the trick for me!

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    1. Planks. That's a good idea! I probably do those once a week, but I could do them more frequently. Thanks for the suggestion!

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  7. The thing that struck me about this post is that so many of us relate completely. Be healthy is my motto. Not that I always act that way...

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    1. Yup. I have that gap between ideal and real. But maybe I can close that gap a bit more. I'll think about it while I'm savoring a square of dark chocolate.

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  8. I came to terms with extra weight in my mid-forties. Now I focus on staying healthy.

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    1. Glad you found your zen earlier than I. Thanks for blazing the trail.

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  9. It is much harder now to keep in the same shape as in my mid-40s. I'm buying larger sizes because my shape has changed. I'm just broader darn it. But working out helps mentally as much as physically. I also try to focus on gratitude. Being thankful I am still so active.

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    1. Thanks for encouraging me (and others) to focus on gratitude. So powerful!

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  10. Being healthy is much more important than being a size 4.Some 20 something will love your donations.Life can be way too short in good health. Enjoy!!!

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    1. Ran the treadmill for 45 minutes today and skipped the scale! Thanks for articulating the value of focusing on health.

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  11. First of all I am right there with you - weight gain in my 50s, thank you menopause fairy. I think we have to change our mindset from being thin to being healthy. It certainly sound like you're doing all the things you need to do to be healthy - well except that not eating for four hours thing, that's never a good idea. Here's to health and mobility.

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    1. Changing the focus "from thin to healthy." Bazinga!

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  12. I agree that the focus should be on health rather than weight. For me, avoiding anything with corn syrup seems to help a lot.
    Estelle

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    1. My husband and I got in a fight our first year of being married over corn-syrup-laden beverages. I hear ya, girl.

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  13. Ah, I feel your pain (tho my numbers are FAR larger than yours... despite my being not a whole heckuva lot taller). I'm chuckling in my head, though, that you're a potato on the verge of fainting. A sense of humor sure makes a difference. :-D

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    1. I find that "ya laugh or ya cry" in response to such things.

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  14. Thank you for bringing up the benefits of never being slender or "tiny" in anyway, shape, or form! I guess I expect less but still expect. Focusing on healthy choices and listening to your body restores peace and calms that looking down at the scale anxiety.

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    1. Oh, I'm so tired of flipping out over this. Basta! Time to change focus. Hugs to all my fellow travelers through midlife.

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  15. Oh, size 4 was such a long time ago. I'm done with worrying about numbers. Time to focus on just being healthy.

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  17. I'm a reasonably active person but over the winter, I donated a closetful of size 8 suits to Dress for Success (an organization that helps disadvantaged women with business attire for interviews, among other things). I'm not sure when I stopped fitting in them, I wore them back in my banking days and when I went into publishing in the early 2000's I was very very happy to send them out for a last dry cleaning and they've been bagged up in the closet since then. At some point, though, I tried one of the skirts on. I couldn't even get it over my behind.

    I knew my metabolism has been slowing down as I've gotten older, used to be able to eat whatever I wanted to and not gain and now I do have to moderate my consumption, but wow...

    Still, the thought of trying to get myself back down to where I could fit in one of them was just incredibly unappealing. Even if I did at some point end up in a position where I would occasionally be expected to wear a suit, I'd much rather go get a new one!

    Felt good about what I did with the old ones.
    https://www.dressforsuccess.org/about-us/

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    1. Looks like your suits found a great, new home. That was very kind of you.

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  18. The very good news is you are doing everything right despite the numbers on the scale. Your diet and exercise habits are keeping your heart healthy, your joints supple. I have to remember this as I am no longer "skinny" and work hard at keeping my BMI at 23%.

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  19. Nice story. I, too, am petite at an inch and a half under 5 feet. And I, too, have to manage my weight by eating small meals often, when I can (to avoid shakes, too). It's a never ending struggle to eat healthful food and portions -- because it has less places to go than tall people. Also, Jazzercise works well for me, sometimes Zumba. Good luck!

    --Elaine

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