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| Big Edie & Little Edie Photo by Slagheap. |
For this reason, I have long had the 1975 documentary Grey Gardens in my "to be viewed" queue (along with 170+ others).
After being nudged by the bloggers at Dementia Mama Drama to see this Grey Gardens (1975), I finally moved this cult classic to the top of my queue.
The documentary shows a mother and daughter living in a decaying mansion in East Hampton, New York.
The film contains relevance for me because the 58-year-old daughter "Little Edie" serves as a caregiver for her 80-year-old mother "Big Edie." (These are their ages during filming.) Many posts I write are aimed at midlife adults who are supporting their older adult parents with age-related issues.
However, I am not sure how to respond to the documentary.
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| Little Edie. Photo by Slagheap. |
I selected this film for its aging / caregiver themes. Most salient were Little Edie's complaints that she gave up relationships and a career as a singer / dancer in order to care for her mother.
In reply, the mother tells her daughter that her failures in love and fame are entirely due to Little Edie's shortcomings.
It's painful to see Little Edie express regret for her lost life and resentment towards her mother, which she does multiple times throughout the documentary. I wonder how many times this anguished dynamic plays out between other caregivers and their loved ones.
I almost decided not to review this film because, Grey Gardens has a great deal of significance for many people for other reasons not tied to midlife or late life concerns. I wondered, "Is this really an age-related film?"
Foremost this film has ties to American politics / culture. Little Edie (Edith Bouvier Beale b. 1917) is first cousin to Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. The public craves details about anyone connected to the Kennedy family.
Additionally, the documentary is psychologically complex because it depicts two women who live in squalid conditions physically. However, they mentally inhabit their past when they were wealthy socialites. This also makes the film interesting in terms of class issues.
The distance between their reality and their fantasies creates a mesmerizing gap.
The Beales still possess trappings from their better days. In addition to the mansion itself, they have portraits, photographs, records, furs, hats, pins, and scarves that transport them to bygone days.
My response to their coping mechanism of living in the past ranges from being fascinated, horrified, amused, sad, and enamored.
The filming technique of direct cinema attempts to remove any directorial intent. By simply setting up the camera, the subjects themselves are supposedly entirely in control of transmitting their lives directly to the viewer.
My studies of post-structuralism tell me that objectivity is an impossible task. The camera does include and exclude material. The two women in the documentary do "perform" for the camera. And the viewers do filter what they see through their own interpretive lenses.
Because I was hyperaware of these choices, I found viewing incredibly jarring. I kept experiencing whiplash as I empathized with the women, then wondered why the filmmakers asked them to appear in the film, then wondered how the public in the 1970s perceived this film, and then wondered if I was using the Beales unfairly for my own purposes.
(This clip is actually from a second documentary that used extra footage shot during the original filming but left on the cutting room floor.")
Should I judge them as mentally unsound and pathetic? I certainly shouldn't laugh at them, thus using them as a form of entertainment. Should I see them as resilient?
They did create a reality that allowed them some self-respect and dignity despite the constraints of their present (meaning the 1970s) circumstances.
Ultimately, I need to ground my response to the Beales in a place of compassion.
Since the release of this documentary, mother and daughter have both passed on--Big Edie in 1977 (two years after the documentary was filmed) and Little Edie in 2002.
Even though the documentary's subjects are dead, I can still offer them the most generous interpretation of their lives based on the scant details this film conveys. And I can practice compassion to all people, especially those whose daily realities differ vastly from mine.
Related:
Films about Aging A-L
Strong, Smart Women Wrestling with Caregiving
My JFK Memory
Thank you for your review, I have been wanting to see this documentary for years. I find the mother-daughter relationships in the older years so interesting and how vast the differences can actually be.
ReplyDeleteGood point about the transformation of the mother-daughter relationship over time. It's so complex and dynamic.
DeleteI never heard of this documentary. It sounds fascinating and heartbreaking. The Kennedy family sure has provided us with material on just about everything, human.
ReplyDeleteI love movies and pop culture, yet this documentary just came into my view about 3 years ago. I also learned just this week that Little Edie is often an inspiration for drag queens. I learn something new every day.
DeleteNow I really must see this. The HBO movie with Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore enthralled, intrigued, hurt my heart. I didn't realize there was a documentary on the story. I'm adding to my queue. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me about the HBO movie, and that's in my queue as well, but I wanted to see the docu first. Quick scans of reviews praise Barrymore over Lange (but then again, "Little Edie" is a more complex person than her mother, in my opinion). Thanks for letting me know the HBO movie is worth watching.
DeleteWow, I had no idea there was a documentary. Like Lisa, I saw the Jessica Lange/Drew Barrymore movie, which was fascinating, but I really want to watch this now. Thanks for making me aware of it.
ReplyDeleteI am always late to the HBO movie parties. Thanks for the nudge to see that on DVD.
DeleteI think the only way for me to respond to this documentary is that it is good to see. It serves as a reminder for me of "How Not to be" or "How not to become". I would also like to see the newer version. Perhaps those two in tandem would be a huge life lesson.
ReplyDeleteA cautionary tale, indeed. It made me want to avoid falling into the dark pit of regret. I wanted to give Little Edie a hug. She was a very strong swimmer (shown swimming for a few seconds in the film--and she lounged in her bathing suit a lot). She swam regularly her whole life. She kept that ability / talent in tact for decades. Go, Little Edie!
DeleteI haven't seen this but I haven't seen anything involving this subject. I live it every single day. I can't imagine blaming mom for me missing out on parts of my life. Sure I can't just randomly take off for a romantic weekend with hubby, or even dinner. It's a tradeoff while I may have to postpone some things I would enjoy what I get back is so much more. I wouldn't trade this experience for any other. I feel every day is a memory I'm storing much like a squirrel stores nuts but with that being said I also haven't quit reached the darkest of days ahead yet either.
ReplyDeleteRena: I am glad to read your perspective on caregiving. I live a 16 hour drive from my mom, and I wish that I had more of an opportunity to help. It's great to read how you are embracing the opportunities inherent in that relationship.
DeleteSounds so interesting to me. I love documentaries because they usually show the side of things that isn't glamorous but real. I like seeing the real and raw stuff. I would watch this one.
ReplyDeleteYes, raw footage in this case definitely has a double meaning. My head and heart both got a workout, and then I wondered if my voyeurism was exploitative of the Beales. And now I've learned this film is culturally significant. I am glad that I learned about it and watched it. Thanks for reading / commenting.
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