The Other 17%: Not All Elders Are Grandparents

 

Image by Tony Alter
via Creative Commons

My children made statements in early 2026 leading me to believe that they are choosing to be child free. Now, this is their decision. Having a child is a huge responsibility, so they need to really want to accept all the roles and responsibilities that come with being a parent. 

I would be lying, however, if I did not admit to the need to "move the furniture around in my head." In other words, the future I have been imaging for myself just radically shifted.  True, I only have two children, but I thought that maybe at least one of them would have one child. Instead, I am going to be a grandparent to cats now and possibly dogs once they can afford a home with a yard.

Did I traumatize them with inadequate parenting to the point that they are dissolution with the relationship?  Ouch.  My heard is full of cement with the thought that my poor choices may have influenced their decision to remain child free.   

I decided to look at some data to see how many older adults in the US are grandparents, and Pew Research indicates that 83% of those 65+ in the US are grandparents.  That makes me part of the 17% that never hold that role.  

I live in a rural county in Central Utah, so I expect that the percentage here is much higher for those who are grandparents. Consequently, I often find myself in situations here in Ephraim, Utah where women introducing themselves to a group do so by their family roles: "I have five children and eighteen grandchildren." When it's my turn, I declare, "I work part-time at the public library and part time for the English Department at the local college."  I am the odd woman out. 

I will need to find a way to make peace with my altered future and with my oddball status in this community. I have only lived here for two years, and I am still trying to build relationships. It can be challenging, because most women my age are busy with their families: spouses, children, in-laws, grandchildren. If they do something with someone who is not a family member, it's usually an outing with a gal pal they have known for decades. 

I have often gravitated towards making friends with people who are on the fringes of my community, and I'll be doing that again here.  I actually believe that most people perceive themselves as outsiders even if their demographics tick all the boxes for the status quo. I need to remember that an not isolate myself when others aren't really pushing me to the margins. 

Related:

Late Adulthood: A Time to Bless

Celebrating Grandmothers

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